Wednesday, May 1, 2013

How to Get What You Need: It's Right Under Your Nose

It can be tough to find fulfillment. The lenses shaped by scarcity can make one feel that the only way to get what's needed is to wheedle, manipulate or guilt. The spiral continues when indirect messages aren't read correctly, resulting in escalating wheedling, manipulation or guilting until something blows, a fit is thrown, and finally the "thing" is gotten.

That's a lot of work. That alienates a lot of people. It's a turn-off and it's infantile, yet grown-ups do it over and over again for decades.

Here's a secret: The best, most effective way to get what you need is to ask for it.

There is no formula. There is no fancy strategy. When you have a need and you are unable to meet it yourself, try some grown-up language - sans the wheedling, manipulation or guilt - and simply ask.

Whether it's help with the kids, someone else doing the dinner dishes, or realizing a dream of further education or a new career, YOU are your own best advocate. YOU alone know when you are truly in need. YOU need to treat and care for yourself as if you were a valued charge entrusted to your care - because you are.

Skip the whining - it's annoying. Forego the martyrdom - it isn't pretty. Functioning as a healthy, fulfilled grown-up enables you to be an engaged and contributing member of your family, social circle and community.

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